My (25F) boyfriend (25M) said he wanted me to look more like an anime girl. I thought he was joking so I told him I wanted him to look more like Henry Cavill and now he won’t talk to me.

TLDR: boyfriend asked me to try to look more and act like an anime girl and I joked that he should look like Henry Cavill and he’s furious with me for promoting toxic masculinity. And now I’m worried he’s not attracted to the way I look now.

Let me start that I legitimately thought we were both joking back and forth because it seemed so absurd that he’d want me, a real human, to look like a drawn cartoon. I didn’t say that to hurt him, but I thought we were joking about unrealistic standards. Apparently he was being serious though. He told me he was just expressing himself and things that would make him more happy in this relationship, which according to him including dressing in a more cutesy revealing style, talking more cutesy, and wearing bows and such. I’m a grown ass adult with a career (working in the mental health field) and I dress in a professional manner and a more relaxed style when we go out with friends. I like my style and do put effort forth with it and my makeup and hair, but frankly I dress like a 25 year old - not a child anime character. He showed me pictures of girls online that he was thinking about me emulating. It was a lot of “e-girls” and cosplayers. I know he’s really into nerd culture stuff and I am too. We both love video games, anime, and playing D&D with our friends, but he’s definitely made it more his personality than I have. I love that he’s passionate about it, but that’s just not how I want to present myself all the time.

I thought he was joking so I said “oh, let me pull up some pictures I think you should look like too” and googled shirtless Henry Cavill. We’d just recently watched the TV adaptation of the Witcher so I thought it’d be funny. He basically accused me of “promoting toxic masculinity” and he “felt enough pressure as a skinny white guy.” He’d never previously mentioned any body insecurities and I hate that he’d ever feel bad about his appearance because I do love him and am immensely attracted to him. This just all seems like a crazy double standard though. If he legitimately wants me to look like a tiny teenager with massive tits, then why can’t I also fantasize about Henry Cavill? I feel like maybe we should both apologize and move on but now I’m feeling more insecure that maybe he’s legitimately not happy with the way I look.

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