i am irrationally angry that i have to be a certain age or have a certain amount of children to have a hysterectomy and i have nobody around me who’s as angry about it as i am.

let me start by saying that i have never ever wanted children. i have never wanted to give birth. i have never had even the slightest, teeny bit urge to conceive. ever.

i am 21 years old and i am so sick of everyone telling me,”oh you’re going to change your mind about it one day”. i’m not. i am not meant to be a mother, i can barely care for myself. i have really bad mental health, i always have and i think that i am probably not fit for bearing children. i’m extremely conceited as well and i would definitely have resentment towards my children for changing my body. if my mental heath would ever be to a point to where i think i could handle having a child, i would adopt. simple as that. i think it would be worth the time, money, and hassle to save a child from the foster care system.

i was having a conversation with my manager (who is by far the worst parent i’ve ever seen, and i’ll explain why) the other day about how i didn’t think it was fair that if i were married, my husband would have to sign off on the procedure. why the fuck do i need a man to tell me,”it’s okay honey, i give you permission to do this thing that only effects you and your body”???? she goes on a rant telling me about how i’ll never understand because i’m so young and i couldn’t see myself with children at the moment and how she was and still is the same way. let me tell y’all- this woman is constantly talking about how she wishes she had abortions for both of her kids. i’ve seen her come in early because she had to leave home because she was thinking of shooting her children. i’ve watched her scream and yell at her children for acting like children, things like ‘using a too high pitched voice’ or ‘being too excited’. i refuse to be that mom or to put ANY child in a position where i despite them for simply existing, and i know i would. if i were to be a mother, i would want to be the best one possible and i just don’t have the patience or capacity for that.

i am just so sick of everyone telling me what i can and can’t do with my body. i want to be the one in control of it. i don’t want to have to be 24 with at least 2 kids for a doctor to give me the okay. i don’t want to have to have a husband sign a paper saying that it’s okay. i can understand an age limit, but i don’t think the number of children you have or your partner should have anything to do with it.

i want to be able to make my decision on my own. i want it to be my decision.

EDIT: ok i’m getting a lot of really, really nasty comments and messages over this post. i know in title i said hysterectomy, but this applies to all reproductive halting procedures. this is not a hysterectomy-only post. i cant believe i have to say this, but i do not owe any of you an explanation or my detailed medical history. if you’re just going to tell me that i’m going to change my mind about children or start acting like some entitled reddit doctor, i will just block you. i am very close to just deleting this post and it’s sad that i don’t feel comfortable on here anymore. thank you to those who are being supportive- i love and appreciate you.

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