This is truly the most horrifying thing I've ever experienced. I have been stabbed once before, and I have fonder memories of that day than this one.

So I went shopping with my girlfriend earlier in the day, just a little shop around ASDA as it goes. We split up shortly after getting in so she could get her vegetables and cous cous and I could get my energy drinks and mozzarella sticks.

She then completely disappeared into thin air. I then spent ages (about 10 minutes) looking for her, going up and down the centre aisle trying to spot her. After much stress and almost resorting to asking the staff to call her over the loudspeaker, I then spot her with her distinctive red hair and green patch jacket, browsing the frozen section it seems. She has her back to me, but no matter. I seize the opportunity while I have time to strike. It was relatively quiet, so I proceeded to sneak up behind her, get a nice firm smack on the ass and say 'aye, you almost done fucknugget'. I mean there was a full on echoey connection. That sound haunts me.

Then this woman who is most definitely not my girlfriend, turns around, looks at me in absolute shock and just says 'can I help you?'

After much babbling, sweating and almost shitting my pants, I explain the situation to her and she proceeds to explain it to the manager (which I don't blame her for). After finding my girlfriend, I argued my case with the manager that they're both the same height, with very similar clothes on and the same hair style and colour. He argued that they had different shoes on. I apologised profusely to the poor woman, and she seemed to take it very well apart from the initial panic of a random stranger doing what I did.

I have been struggling to sleep because I can't stop thinking about it, and how I want to tear my own face off.

I have made many, many fuck ups in my life, but holy shit, I think this one will top the list!

I'm sorry ASDA lady!

TL ; DR I slapped a random womans ass in ASDA because she looked nearly identical to my girlfriend from behind