Former NFL player Brandon Marshall has the Police called on him while attempting to move into his new home.

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Helping with the homework

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A farmer buys a young cock

As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.

Next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its head. Farmer yells , "You deserve it, you horny bastard!"

The cock slowly opens one eye, looks up at the sky and whispers , " Shhhhhh, They're about to land!!!"

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My wife and I put up our own candidate this year!

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20F / never have a bf and low self esteem. Make my day less boring

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Horse having hoof care for the first time

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I promise, nobody from WotC is going to break down your door, grab your character sheet, and force you to use the Racial Ability optional rules

This is, perhaps, the most baffling part of the popular discussion over the last few days, what with the announcement of Tasha's Cauldron of Everything.

People can think these rules will be poorly-implemented (possible, given that it won't have seen public playtesting), that they're a poor substitute for actually diversifying WotC personnel (absolutely true), or that many people won't use the rules (I may or may not, depending on the character and game). But why the hell are people actively getting into arguments about this? To simplify things, let's just run down the list of common arguments I've been seeing.

It's not necessary!

You know what else isn't necessary? Optional rules for gritty realism. Optional rules for firearms. Optional rules for tying knots. Some people want to use these rules. I know for a fact that my players are ecstatic about the decision to include these rules. That's a good enough reason for the existence of these rules.

The stats are part of the lore and biology! An orc is just naturally stronger than a human!

This optional rule doesn't change the average of any race, nor does it change the lore. It allows players the chance to define their individual character in terms of the Ability Scores they want--including an orc wizard who's just as smart as his gnomish classmate, and a halfling Barbarian who's just as strong as his goliath war buddy.

There's no racism in the current system or the history of D&D and fantasy! In fact, if you see racism in saying certain races are better at certain things, maybe YOU'RE the racist, you rac--

Nope. Two things. One, you're wrong, but that's a different conversation. Two, irrelevant to whether these rules are useful and fun.

Hang on, back there you said a halfling who's as strong as a goliath? That's not realistic!

This is Dungeons & motherfucking Dragons.

But this flattens out races and makes then all just variants of humans.

If you rely on built-in Ability Score Increases to successfully role-play the fantasy race you're chosen, the game hasn't failed you--you've failed the game.

You don't need the rule. I can still roleplay my 15 Dex dwarf Rogue just as well as the elf who starts with 16. It's just one point.

Yeah, and now somebody can play that dwarf with 16 Dex, so they're slightly better at the thing they've built their character to be good at. Oh, the (not)humanity.

An elf is going to be better at stealth than a dwarf, given the same amount of practice. It's magic/biology/divine mandate from Blibdoolpoolp herself!

Yeah, but my dwarf has practiced for longer, and his nickname in highschool was Quickfoot McGhee. Or that elf is just a clumsy dipshit that all the other elves laugh at. Or literally any other reason to justify why they're equally skilled.

But that's min-maxing!


But min-maxing is bad!

Pal, if I want to get cool weird feats like Alert and Inspiring Leader while also having my main stat at 18 or 20 before level 10, that's my God-given right as an American. You don't get to dictate how I enjoy my game.

But you don't need those things to have fun playing the game!

You don't need a lot of things, but some people want them in addition to playing a different race. Something something Stormwind Fallacy.

People in my group are using it to min-max, and nobody else likes it!

Then the DM can opt not to use the rule.

People in my group are using it to min-max, and only I don't like it!

Get over it, join them, or find a table that matches what you want. It's not the fault of the rules or anyone else on the internet.

Other people on the internet are using it to min-max!

Cool story, not your problem or mine.

Regardless, I still don't like it.

That's your prerogative, but do you really need to hop on Reddit and argue with the people who do like it? TCoE will literally contain 22 subclasses, plus more feats, items, and rules, ONE of which is an optional rule as a response to something people have been asking for. If you don't like it, you don't have to use it. But there is ZERO reason to shit on somebody who likes the new option and wants to use it.

But Jeremy Crawford texted me and told me he IS going to break into my house and force me to use the new rule.

Too late. He's already right behind you.

Edit: after some serious thought and listening to some well-meaning folks in the comments, I've amended one of my points. Blibdoolpoolp is, in fact, a female deity.

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Finally got my dream haircut and living my 70s shag fantasy

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Not exactly how I envisioned my Shrek themed birthday cake...

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