I (30f) have agreed to carry my sister’s(42f) baby for her as she is unable herself and lacks the financial resources to pay a surrogate. I am happy to do this or at least I was.
I am 6 months along at the moment and I met a lovely man recently and we are in the early stages of a relationship. He knows about my situation and is very accepting and considerate. Before agreeing to carry their baby we had some firm rules placed. They asked me to stay away from any sexual contact with men. I agreed and I really didn’t mind nor do I mind it right now. The agreement was no sex of any kind.
And I have not done anything with anyone as was agreed.
A few days ago I introduced my new bf to my sister and bil and at first everything was great. They invited us for dinner last Saturday, we had a great meal and a great time together, they all seemed to get along that is until he had to leave. When my bf had said his goodbyes to my sister and bil he then came over to me and hugged and kissed me, quit passionately but not in a vulgar way nor was it for a long period,literally seconds.
As soon as he left my sister and bil jumped down my throat talking about how I broke the rules, how disgusting and wicked I am. I genuinely was shocked I had not expected such a blow out or their irrational behaviour/feelings towards me literally just getting a kiss.
I decided not to argue or even go in conversation with them and just walked home. I live about 30 minutes walk away and by the time I got back home I had an email waiting for me. The email contained our original agreement but now it included a section with “ No kissing of any kind” and they want me to sign the new agreement.
I don’t want too as I have been more then accommodating and considerate of all their original request. I feel like they are now crossing boundaries and acting as if I am some kind of farm animal they own and control. I don’t want to create any further animosity between us. They have been calling and texting me since then and I have yet to answer. I would like to reply back via email so that there can be no confusion and to create some separation. Any advice on what to write would be great! So how do I reply back to their email without being rude? Or how do I deal with them in general?
Edit: They did offer to drive me home but I declined as I enjoy walking and at the time it is my only way to comfortably exercise.
The baby is biological my sisters and bil. This child is made from her last and only viable egg. They had tried many times before but they all failed. So I understood their anxiety and worry when we originally made the first agreement and I viewed it and still view their initial request as acceptable. I wasn’t in a relationship at the beginning of all this and they were worried about potential STI and I understood and I was already taking a break from sex and men at the time. I am doing this completely for free and without any reward other then helping my sister have her first and only biological child.
Edit: I’ve decided to send this as a response.
Dear “sister and brother in low”,
I am truly shocked and saddened by your reaction to my partner kissing me and with your continued behaviour.
I'd like to remind you that I am a human being, an adult and your family. I am honoured to carry your child, and to help you as best I can, however, I insist on being treated as a person and not an incubator.
I can understand both of your worries and irrational thoughts as this is your last attempt for a biological child. I truly empathise with you and want you to have your beautiful family. This is why I’ve agreed to do this completely for free with the restrictions that we’ve originally agreed to and set.
I have been nothing less then compliant and considerate of all your request. I have upheld my side of the agreement. I have kept my word and upheld my responsibilities towards the baby and yourselves.
However instead of being beyond grateful you two have decided to stop respecting me, so much so that you now feel your in a position to make any demands of me. Instead of treating me as the kind and very generous sister I am being. I love you and I love the baby I am carrying for you. I would never, ever, do anything to harm the baby or cause any disruption to a healthy, successful pregnancy and birth.
I will therefore, under no circumstances, sign the new agreement as I do not agree with it.
However I do demand you both take a step back and try to look at this all rationally. I fully understand your anxiety around the baby, given the struggles you've faced. I feel for you greatly but that does not mean you two get to treat me in this manner.
The stress and distress that you two are causing me is far more damaging to the baby than any kissing between my partner and I.
Again I ask you to rethink what you're doing and if you are not capable I will have to start distancing myself from the both of you until after the birth of your child.
I know there is a lot of debate between pro life or pro choice. However, none of them sound like a "pro child" option to me.
When someone is debating abortion, another huge percentage is debating for reasons that are contributors on their and the unborn child's life. Whether it be financial, political, or an unsafe environment. Very doubtfully, are they trying to make this decision with themselves due to them wanting to "end" a human life.
Yet, you have people having IVF, surrogates, or contributing YEARS of their life to produce a child. None of which sound completely natural or fair to me. I personally support all of these, but why is abortion more unnatural. So if Prolife is saying we need to take away abortion to keep life "more normal" or 'more like god entailed" than they must push for a natural conception. Heck, they should push for a natural birth as they didn't have our advancements.
Countless self aware human beings are being subjected to a life that another soul already deemed unpleasant for themselves, but unable to look after the human to come within them. Where is the justice for the child to come unwilling into this life?
** edit : change "any" in the title to most as I believe planned or well executed adoptions are wonderful
My wife has extremely sensitive skin and she has always struggled with it. I've never cared about her having acne despite her being really insecure about it. She has seen countless dermatologists and other professionals trying to get rid of it to no avail.
We have a small drying rack thing for our cleaning sponge in our bathroom. It's where a square cleaning sponge is kept and it's used to quickly clean the counters and mirrors if needed. Pretty handy right? My wife got it for us, she is so awesome coming up with these things.
Well I was in the bathroom today and saw that my wife had bought a new cleaning sponge. But it was a super weird egg shaped sponge. I found this eggsponge hilarious and asked my wife why she would get such a weird shaped sponge and not just a normal square one. She told me it would be easier to use than the old one to put makeup on.
What. My wife uses our cleaning sponge for makeup. I don't understand. She saw the confusion on my face and asked me what's wrong. I asked her why she would use our cleaning sponge for her face.
I don't know anything about makeup. Did you know that people who wear makeup use a sponge to spread the makeup on their face? Well I didn't. But now I do, my wife made sure to explain that to me very carefully.
I had used my wifes makeup sponge for cleaning. She used that same sponge on her face and we believe that that's the reason for her reacuring acne. The wife is not happy and I feel horrible. I asked her why was it on a drying rack and not in her makeup bag. To let it dry out after use obviously. She didn't want any bacteria growing on the moist sponge which could happen if she left it in her bag. Great thinking! If only I didn't make it a nest for bacteria by cleaning with it.
I went out and bought her a bunch of new sponges all different shapes and sizes, but not the square ones. I hope she can forgive my dumbass soon.
Tldr; My wife has acne she can't get rid of. I had accidentally used her makeup sponge to clean the bathroom for years. She has used that same sponge on her face and we believe that has caused her acne. I am an idiot
Edit: Thank you everyone for the skin care advice and kind words. I'll be sure to tell my wife about it all. I'm definitely going to have to buy more than just sponges for her so thanks for all the suggestions too. To answer a few questions that keep getting asked: My wife likes her privacy while using the bathroom when she gets ready in the morning. She doesn't use make up that often because apparently that's bad for her face. So I've never really seen her using her makeup sponge or then I've been too absent-minded to notice. I guess I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. The makeup sponge I had mistaken as a cleaning sponge was a square one. They come in sheets and you just take one square piece out of it, honestly just like you would take out a cleaning sponge. Thats the best explanation I have for them I hope that makes it more clear.
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