Daughter is almost 2 and a voracious nurser. She'll latch on and stay on through the night and often throughout the day. My wife and I both feel it's excessive and have tried different methods to ween her off nursing, or at least slow her down. Nothing seems to work. For context, my boy is 5 and was done with it at 1.5yrs old, It seemed like a very easy and natural step for him,
Different story for my little girl.
My wife is exhausted by it, we're not having more kids so she often blurts out she's so "done with it" and "wants to cut them off".
I've suggested some other methods and even prepared bottles for her but she (my daughter) isn't having any of it. I'll even get up at 2, 4 and 5am to give her cups of milk. No go.
Today seemed like a breaking point for my wife, she lashed out with a "leave me alone" to my girl who was really clawing at her shirt. Oh my.
I feel a little hopeless in this whole situation but I thought I had a clever stroke - and mistakenly suggested it:
"Why don't you rub habanero sauce on your nipples *snicker*"
She jumped up, ran to the fridge and I thought "no way".
I went to see what she was doing and, sure enough, standing there with the fridge door wide open, my wife was rubbing my hot sauce all over her nipples
"Dear, you're not serious. I was kidding. That stuff is *really* nasty hot."
"I have to do something." And I have to admit she really seems at her wits end but this seems.. Harsh.
I'm now pleading with her to try different ideas, she can't be serious. But now my wife is dancing around the kitchen "OUCH! OUCH! PSSSHHHTT! HOTTT!!! HOLYSHIT! OW! OW! OWWW!" Half-laughing, she eventually "cool's off" but this goes on for a while and I'm trying not to laugh but she looks ridiculous bouncing around the kitchen clutching her boobs.
Later on, we're curled up on the couch watching a show and, right on cue, my girl wants to nurse. My wife let her latch on. I'm watching because I'm freaked out, witnessing a slow-mo train wreck, and my wife has an actual grin on her face.
It didn't go well.
My daughter pulled back in horror and is now afraid to go near mommy's boobs. I had to rescue her and brought her to get a glass of milk. She tried again recently but thought better of it, taking a sniff instead and abandoning hope.
What have I done?
My wife feels like she has a huge victory. I feel like I've witnessed the birth of a supervillain.
TL;DR Foolishly suggested my wife rub hot sauce on her boobs to stop our daughter from constantly nursing.
UPDATE: We're having lots of fun reading through all the comments, lots of laughs and love here, thanks everyone.
I took another shot at being 'clever' again and suggested, as we're cuddled on the couch - that, as payback, to avenge my daughter, I'd dip my BEEPBOOP in hotsauce so mommy could get a taste of her own medicine.
We laughed for a moment but then quickly realized that's just a scorched-earth / nobody wins scenario.
No more hotsauce anywhere for a long while...
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