Cursed incest

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Update: My boyfriend said that I was embarrassing him while I was giving birth to our baby

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/htfqo9/my_20f_boyfriend_20m_said_that_i_was_embarrassing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Thank you so much for everyone's advice and support, both through dms and on the original post. I want to update as many people were very concerned and I promised it to a few people.

Reading people's responses reassured me about how serious the situation was and how I'd be stupid if I stayed in the relationship and allowed it to get worse. I spoke to my mum, who recommended couple counselling and if that didn't work then I would be allowed to live with my parents. I then approached him when he came home and gave him an ultimatum, I told him he can either continue to ignore that he acted horribly during the birth and other numerous times, or he can admit to how he has treated me and apologise and get counselling, but obviously he continued to gas- light me and got extremely angry to the point where he was screaming at both me and the baby. He ended up storming out to his best friends.

I was also advised against couple counselling by many of you as you said it often encourages an abuser's behaviour, which made a lot of sense and I wish I read that before speaking to him.

My mum came round after he left and said he's an asshole and even though she doesn't 'agree' with single parenting, she thought anything would be better than staying with him and enabling his behaviour. He has tried to visit me and the baby since as he guessed I was at my mum's, both my mum and I have told him it's over and that we're leaving the rest down to the courts, I will be telling my solicitor everything so who knows what the custody arrangements will be, I'm just glad that myself and my baby are out of there and I can finally enjoy being a mother, yesterday I went shopping and bought what I wanted instead of what he wanted and I never felt so free since before I met him, to many people that will sound ridiculous, but quite frankly he controlled every single aspect of my life.

However, I am planning on going to therapy as I feel like the bad experience I had at my birth as well as his abuse in other areas has left a profound effect on me. I also called a few domestic abuse hotlines and they gave ne some brilliant advice, thank you to whoever it was that sent me those.

What was weird was the best friend he went over to see actually contacted me yesterday to say how happy he is to hear that I'm leaving him, he said he noticed how unhappy he made me and how disrespectful he is around women as a whole, and that the abuse didn't exist just towards me but to his colleagues also. So it's good to know that I have a few people on my side.

No doubt things will be constantly changing from now until the foreseeable future, and I am terrified, but the main thing is that I'm away from him and me and my son are safe, and that I'm feeling empowered enough to know that the way he treated me was 100% wrong and that he will pay the right price as long as I fight for it.

Thanks again, I won't forget all of you that helped in the time when I needed it the most. ❤

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