Merry Christmas Ya'll

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[I ate]Neighbours knew I was going to be alone for Christmas so they brought me this

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Maybe next Christmas...

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My wife bought me a new leg for Christmas

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TIFU I am never fucking touching a Nintendo switch ever again

So my family usually opens presents Christmas morning around 8am, but due to my mother working this year we had to start at 6:30.(I know, it is as horrible as it sounds). Now, my brother and I are of age and old enough to understand the santa process. However, we have a younger sister who still fully believes. She did the list, put out the cookies, yadayada.

The main thing she wanted this Christmas (and last year) was a Nintendo switch. I don’t know much about it other than it’s expensive and could make a child’s Christmas wish come true.

So it comes midnight and My mother and I are wrapping up the presents for everyone and checking off the list to make sure nothing was forgotten. (Everyone else is asleep). But then we come across the Nintendo.

My mom asks me where it is, I have no fucking clue. I go up and ask my dad, he has no fucking clue. Everyone in my family, no.fucking.clue.

We all begin scrounging the house, top to fucking bottom. Every corner, every drawer, every hiding spot. Even the fucking vents?????

Time passes, we’re still looking, it’s 2 in the morning. We should’ve been asleep an hour ago. My mother has to wake up in 4 hours to get ready for a full day of work and be with us for presents. She’s crying, my dads pissed, I’m nervous.

I send my parents up to bed and tell them to leave it up to me. (Still don’t know why the fuck I said this). So I stay up, still looking. It’s now 4am. I’m ready to pass out.

I decide to write the letter from santa myself. Stating the following. “Dear ______, ...... I hit a major storm in the middle of the night and lost Dasher and 60% of my presents!! Expect a delivery from the elves within the next few days!”

So I’m looking up what stores I can buy this fucking Nintendo switch again, of course they’re all closed at 4am but they’re closed all day for Christmas too. Now I’m fucking buggin

I decide to let the note do it’s magic, and pray I can find a Nintendo switch to buy AGAIN.

Christmas morning comes along, she reads the note, she’s freaking out that santa even made it in such a bad storm. But she’s also freaking out that Dasher is on the loose. I try to calm her down and she keeps screaming that santa can’t fly without all his reindeer and is probably “missing”. (If you’ve ever seen Christmas chronicles, she hit it spot on)

Finally we open the fucking rest of the presents. WE LEFT THE FUCKING SWITCH GAME WRAPPED AND SHE OPENED IT. Gave it the fuck away instantly. Now I’m frustrated as fuck that we were so unprepared. This is supposed to be “huge”.

We finish up presents, my mom goes to work, my sister is playing with her stuff and I’m checking out my new bling.

I then remember that my polish for jewelry was in the trunk of the car. (I don’t know why, don’t ask)

I open up the fucking trunk, and there it is. THE NINTENDO FUCKING SWITCH. SITTING RIGHT THERE. STARING AT ME. I start crying tears of joy. I don’t have to spend another 300 on a fucking console and games.

I wrap it instantly and leave it on the front bench. I go upstairs, play a hoofing sounds of a horse from my speaker, and make a loud bang.

“WHAT WAS THAT” -my sister

“I don’t know, it sounded like it came from outside. Want me to check?” -me


She runs as fast as I’ve ever seen her run down the stairs and whips the door open. Before even seeing the present on the bench, she goes to look at the roof to see if dasher is there. Lol. Finally, she falls upon the gift wrapped up on the bench.

She grabs it, runs inside, opens it, cries.

“Santa really does listen.” -my sister

And then I cried. Again. Because I was so relieved it was over.

All in all, She was happy, I was happy, my parents pissed they left it somewhere so stupid, and Christmas was even more fun for my sister.

I am never fucking touching a Nintendo switch ever again.

TL:DR we lost my sisters most wanted Xmas present, lost our fucking minds looking for it, and it ended up being in the fucking car trunk.

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The worst green screen ever used in the office

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For Christmas, my dad received the exact outfit that he was wearing

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