I’ll let you know every time I use my garbage can.

I’ve never met anyone that said “Oh good, an HOA.”

We all have trash cans, but the sight of them offends the delicate eyes of some, so I complied with the new rule of ‘no seeing bins from the street’.

I find a notice of my bins being out, which is surprising because I’m the only one who touches the cans and I know I’m 100% compliant.

I call in and ask why I got the notice. The full description says “Bins in driveway with lids off.” I asked if this happen to be a Tuesday, and sure enough it was. Wednesday is pickup, and I was doing my weekly cleaning. I was fucking using them, I calmly explained through gritted teeth.

“Oh okay I’ll remove the notice.” Great, but how do I prevent this from happening again? “Oh, uh....I guess notify us.” Alright, I said, I’ll notify you every time I’m using my trash cans. “Oh that won’t be necessary....” Clearly it is.

That was five Tuesdays ago. Today, I once again called promptly at ten o’clock and let Alan know I was about to use my trash cans. “You know what, Mr. Endoman? I’m just going to put a hold on any trash can notices for you.” Hey that would be swell, Alan.

That would be swell.

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