A few years ago my wife and I bought a house with a hot tub. We enjoyed it but after a while it developed significant issues and we found it hard to justify the expense of repairing it... we opted just to shut it down for a while.

Well, COVID hit, and I figured that being in isolation with nothing much else to do is the best time to own a working hot tub. I tried to do the repair work myself, which took a lot of time and stress, and in the end I had to have a professional do it anyways. The process ended up costing almost $2000. But, with no vacations to budget for, we figured it was a good use of our money.

And it was! We've been loving using the hot tub this winter. We regularly go out there for family time with our kids, who love being able to swim around a bit, and I regularly go out by myself at night to unwind. We have a beautiful park behind our yard that makes it an amazing spot to relax. Because of COVID I've been having long zoom calls with groups of friends, and realized I could do that from the comfort of my hot tub, which just amped up the enjoyment of both activities.

Concurrent to all of this though, my wife and I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to have another baby. The giant FU is that we didn't think, at any point, of the fact that hot tubs kill sperm. Last night as we were discussing our failures in the bedroom, it finally occurred to us that the hot tub might be a problem. I was disappointed, thinking “shoot I guess there will be a few days every month when I can't use it.”

Nope. We looked it up and found out that after being boiled, it takes sperm three months to "respawn" or whatever they have to do.

So until I produce a winner, I am no longer allowed in my own hot tub that I slaved (and splurged) so much to repair. It took us two years to get pregnant with our previous child. Hopefully this one comes sooner.

TL;DR fixed my hot tub, boiled my future children

Edit: lots of doubts about my semen facts... this is the source we’re using: https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health/facts-and-myths-male-fertility-tight-underwear-hot-tubs-marijuana-and-more