It's been running through my head more and more lately. Now, going on my 34th birthday, still alone, I gave up.
If no one had interest in me up until now despite my efforts at bettering myself and leading a good life, then it's unlikely to happen later. I don't like it, I don't want to be alone, I'm a social person and I don't see the point of leading a life alone from start to finish, but what else do I have? My choice boils down to having my hopes crushed and to stop the bleeding.
I want, just once in my life, know what it is to feel intimacy. And I have to pay for it. I failed, that's what it is is. I only wish I had realized sooner not everyone is good enough for love, I could have spent the wasted 15 years to do something better than looking for love.
A rant to my very personal defeat. I too the decision to blow my cash on prostitutes, try out drugs and alcohol and get sloshed. I never did that to stay "clean", but that doesn't matter if you have no one else but you to drag down.
Here's to the bottle I uncorked.
EDIT: By the way, if the kind people in my DM's encouraging things like MGTOW or red pill could spare me the bullshit I'd appreciate it. I'm lonely, but I haven't flushed my critical sense down the toilet.
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