I am 30/m, homeowner. I had been with my girlfriend, 25/f, for about 8 months when we decided to try living together. So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened. We both work full-time and she's also in grad school.
She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy. She was cooking a soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.
So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.
I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an asshole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an asshole.
I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on I started yelling.
I yelled at her until she woke up. I said "what the fuck do you think you are doing?" She said she didn't mean to fall asleep and I said, "You almost burn my house down and you think "I didn't mean to" is an okay excuse?" She said she was sorry and I said that didn't cut it. I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she's not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove. She said she did not like being talked to like a child and I replied, "act like a child, get treated like one."
That was the last thing I said and I saw an instant change come over her. She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen. After a few minutes I felt sorry and went to help her clean up and she said it was fine she'd take care of it. I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes I saw her car pulling out and her leaving. I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry so it would give us some time where we didn't have to look at each other.
Night came and I didn't hear from her and I texted and then called to see if she was okay, no reply. I then started calling some of her friends and family members, and then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members. I went to sleep, got up, went to work, came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone. I tried to call her and I was blocked on every form of communication. I haven't heard from her since then and it was several weeks ago.
What I'm wondering is was I really such an asshole to justify that kind of brutal reaction. I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.
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