NWH opening night, spotted a few variants.

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I was offered a retention "bonus" today...

So I get called into an early morning meeting with my boss and HR. My boss excitedly tells me she has some exciting news but she can't talk about it until HR joins and I can't discuss it openly with anyone else. I immediately know we're talking compensation.

HR joins the meeting, and tells me that I was selected to receive a retention bonus of 20k. Holy shit, that's a ton of cash, I'm listening. HR continues to tell me that I have to sign an agreement to receive the bonus. RED FLAG

HR sends over the agreement and I take a look. Its not a 20k bonus, its a 20k installment plan. Payable in 5k payments every other quarter until 2023 - after taxes for me, that will be around 2.2k each. The catch is, if I leave for any reason I need to pay back the bonus in full. I work in an at-will state, I can be fired for any reason to begin with. Now they'll have 20k worth of leverage on me. RED FLAG

Paperwork continues to state that if my performance drops - at my employer's sole discretion - I must pay back the bonus. RED FLAG

Last little bit in the agreement was a line that states that I 'felt the 20k was fair compensation for fulfilling the obligations of the agreement'. They want me to sign away my rights to discuss this bonus/agreement and other compensation, along with putting yet another collar around my neck for 2 years, for 20k. Not even 20k - 10k extra each year. In this labor market.

I ain't signing shit.

I've been with this company for 2.5 years. Only ever got a raise once, and it was pathetic - we never had the cash for good raises. But somehow we have the cash for the 7 shirts, backpack, coffee mug, winter coat, and fall jacket that I now have with the company name on them.

Luckily, I already have another job that I start in January. I'm just biding my time and wasting as much of theirs as possible. Fuck them.

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LPT: Don't announce your milestone at someone else's.

Title speaks for itself. Don't propose at a wedding, or do a gender reveal at a funeral.

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"little man is chuffed"

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A machine came thru my local John Deere for repairs from the tornado in Kentucky.

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She's the prettiest hunk of junk in the galaxy

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A Delegate Representing Black America Speaks

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550 pebbles for your child's college fund

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Anon has a problem

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"I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird...."

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