So you know those 'worthless' 0.5$ 148,426 puts that are expiring on July 16? I may know exactly who owns those:

https://i.imgur.com/DSeM04L.png

So we know our friend Shitadel has 3,271,400 shares in puts on GME or 32714 in option contracts from their latest 13F filing:

https://i.imgur.com/elgrTIK.png

We also know that Susquehanna has 6,151,100 shares in puts on GME or 61511 in option contracts from their latest 13F filing:

https://i.imgur.com/NzoM02s.png

Hmm....so at this point we have 32714 + 61511 = 94225 in option contracts.

Now I was wondering what our old friend was up to before they hid their 13F filings:

https://preview.redd.it/bqv61hbyj8261.png?width=1536&format=png&auto=webp&s=d1c222b8b146ae8a94fabe5b01eade4a42b33e03

MELVIN CAPITAL with 5,400,000 in GME puts or 54000 in option contracts.

Now at this point I was like: "no way this matches exactly or close by".

32714 + 61511 + 54000 = 148,225 in OPTION CONTRACTS COMBINED.

Remember how those motherfuckers said they closed their public put positions?

https://markets.businessinsider.com/news/stocks/melvin-capital-closes-out-public-short-positions-after-gamestop-losses-2021-5-1030447490

EDIT: To clarify - Melvin's 13F with 15$ strike is the last one from last year that revealed their position.

They can roll them forward and change the price:

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/r/rolldown.asp

I am 21 and I have never touched coffee, tea, alcohol, or any type of drug. (What a fkn prude right?) Mormons generally try to stay away from these substances. Anyways, you have my word if Tesla hits 750 EOW, I will make a vid of me tasting coffee for the first time ever..

Edit: for some reason this post was too short. Ummm, for anyone knowing how retarded I am, I yolod almost my whole portfolio on $790 calls expiring next week. TESLA TO THE MOON!! 🚀 well, to mars..

Edit 2: getting a lot of questions about the church. If you have any legit questions or concerns or thoughts you want to share, message me!

Just happened. So yes, today. But not so sure it's a FU. Maybe realization that I've been FUping for like 4 years? So bit of context. I'm a bit of a bigger guy. 6'2" and a fairly huge ass. We moved into our new house 4 years ago and the place has these teeny little doll toilets. They are usable but you have to sit with your knees around your ears. Meh... maybe the place used to be owned by hobbits or something?

For the last 4 years every time I take a shit it turns into a "crayon" experience. You know... you wipe and wipe and wipe and every time the TP comes out with a brown streak like you are wiping the end of a crayon. When I think I've finally got things clean I head out for a walk. Half a block later I've got this burning down there and a sticky feeling and when I get home sure enough a chunk of shit has worked it's way down into my ass crack and made a sticky mess between my cheeks and maybe into my under ware.

Did I mention this has been going on for FOUR YEARS? Several times I've thought of seeing a doctor and maybe it's some kind of colon cancer or who knows what. Like not enough to really do anything about it... but a worry none the less.

So a week or two back our toilet started doing a little mini-flush every few hours. Annoying. The valve inside it was leaking. Some investigation and it turns out this little doll toilet has a strange flush by wire sort of thing and a complicated two stage flusher. Home Depot has a replacement but it's $81. And I hate this thing anyway. So rather than pour good money after bad I headed over to Costco and pick up a new toilet.

Changing the toilet on my own was a real challenge. Those things are heavy. I got very sweaty, took off my shirt, hauled the old one out to the garage, got the old icky brown wax ring all over my hands and headed back towards the house. Meanwhile the nice young Christian lady next door pulled up and said "Hey!" Being super sweaty, no shirt, puffing like a hog, I held up a brown apparently shit covered hand and said "I've got some toilet issues!". She looked horrified and quickly closed her garage door. FML.

Today the toilet is installed and I decided to christen it with an inaugural shit. Life changing. I finally discovered my 4 year's of FU. With my knees down at the normal position and the bowl much much larger it can now accommodate my entire ass. The shit came flinging out like it should. (Edit for clarity: The old tiny hobbit bowl toilet was apparently squeezing my ass cheeks together preventing a full release of my poo - thus the Crayon effect).

Better still, the larger bowl can now accommodate not only my gigantic ass but also my hand can now reach all the way up into my ass crack! I can finally properly clean my poo hole. Couple swipes and no more crayon! I'm CLEAN! I almost felt like running next door to tell the neighbor about my triumph but ya... think I've freaked her out enough for one week.

Edit: Well this sure blew up beyond all measure. Thanks for the over 10K upvotes (and counting!). The "helpful" and "wholesome" awards made me laugh but thanks so much for all your kind awards. Many helpful hints on how to sit on a toilet, how to spread ass cheeks and all the rest - much appreciated. I will also strongly consider your suggestions for a bidet. I've always thought they were sort of gross... but reading over what I just posted... ya... not so gross. Even the negative comments made me laugh. Thanks all! You guys are hilariously the best.

TLDR; I spent 4 years shitting in a toilet that was made for hobbits.