So this actually happened yesterday. I kept getting this puffy tender spot between my P and B after having sex. I, of course, went down a google rabbit hole. Herpes? A cyst? Hemorrhoid? It wasn’t a pustule or clustered so I was pretty sure it wasn’t any of those things. It would start to shrink a little, then grow after particularly excessive days of intercourse. Just to be safe, I made an appointment with my gyno. She goes through all the basic questions before starting her poking and prodding.

Eventually she stops, looks up at me and asks how often I am having intercourse. She raises her eyebrows when I say at least once a day (hey, we are enjoying the early stages of marriage). Then she asks if we engage in rough sex and again I say yes. Last, she tells me this can happen from engaging in rougher sex with a man who is eyebrow wag well endowed.

My insurance had recently changed and I have been seeing her for a while, but she was now out of network. (They chose not to tell me that over the phone before my appointment, but whatever). I had to pay out of pocket for the exam, and that my friends is how I paid $75 for my lady doctor to tell me that my husband is hung. I already knew that.

TL;DR my husband has a big pee pee and it was inflaming the bottom of my vag bag which made me think I had something wrong down there.

Edit: My husband and I are having so much fun reading through your comments! Some of you are getting more upvotes than my post, and I totally understand why. Let me cover some things:

•I know what a perineum is, thanks. Some of you obviously don’t know what a colloquialism is. •my husband isn’t intentionally putting me in pain. Would I be taking that schlong daily if I didn’t like it? There’s just some mild side effects from being railed every day. •the fuck up is that I paid to be told something I already knew. •maybe it is a humblebrag? Sue me. •insecure men are coming out in full force today to attack this•a professional would certainly say something like this when you have a longstanding relationship with them. I’ve been seeing her for years •again with the colloquialisms. I know that penis, vagina, anus and perineum are the proper words

Also: please stop asking me to post pics or dimensions. In the words of Kash Doll: “And I never tell a chick about the pipe I get. 'Cause if she ever disrespect, I have to fight that bitch. You know that beef stick so bomb.”