Learning how to celebrate Christmas

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[Self] My Ares cosplay from smite. Really happy with how it came together!!

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I mean...have you tried?

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Ski jump 252 meters

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Amazingly well done tattoo to cover up missing fingertips

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My friend's Christmas Card

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TIFU By Not Knowing What "Fingering" Was

Obligitory "this happened several years ago" warning.

The year was 2011, my mom ran to Target to pick up some clothes, and as usual dropped me off in the toy isle so I didn't scream and get bored. As a child growing up in the early 2000's, I considered myself pretty knowledgeable of most things (as knowledgeable as an 8 year old can get) but nothing would prepare me for the knowledge I would permanently burn into my brain.

I was browsing the boardgames when I came across a small black and white box with the words "Cards Against Humanity" written on the front. My curiosity peaked as I turned the box around to look at the back, which displayed some examples of what the cards looked like. I quickly gasped and hid the box when I realized the words on the cards were "adult words."

Glancing quickly to make sure my mom wasn't around, I picked the box back up and flipped it around. The adrenaline felt insane, like I was getting away with murder. I read off all the cards, giggling at the meanings, when I got stuck staring at a certain card. A white card that just said "Fingering" on it.

Of all the "adult words" in my 8 year old vocabulary, I had no idea what the fuck "Fingering" was supposed to mean. I sat there a good few minutes thinking, "what's bad that you do with your fingers?" That's when it hit me. Oh, you flip people off with your fingers, fingering must be another word for flipping people off.

I sat there staring at the box a few more minutes before my mom came and grabbed me again. We were on our way home when some dude cut us off, my mom honked and the man flipped her off. Well that was rude. When we got home my older sister asked me how our trip was, to which I told her-

"It was fine, but on our way home some strange man fingered mom and me."

Tldr; Thought fingering meant flipping people off, told my teenage sister me and my mom got fingered on our shopping trip. We had an interesting conversation that night.

Edit: How the hell was this given the Wholesome award?

Also edit: My sister is in town for Christmas so I showed her and our mom some of these comments, they said thanks for the laugh!

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working class children's supper starterpack

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Have at it, thou stinking bags of chip oil, thou! 54M. I don't look a day over 30, ye scurvy knaves! (and knavesses)...

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