I'm really sorry I didn't add this before. This post has really blown up but anyway...
***Content warning: Transphobia***
My husband is a transgender man and we've always wanted to start a family together. I have a huge fear of pregnancy so he offered to carry the baby. It was an insane process. He had to stop taking testosterone for a long time but he was amazing throughout the whole process and I did everything in my power to help him feel more comfortable.
None of my family know that he is transgender (homophobic, transphobic, all the phobics), but our friends know. He posted an ultrasound to his private instagram, not knowing that my sister follows him on a burner account. Well, she saw the photo and told my whole family. They were FURIOUS that I wouldn't tell them (our plan was to say we adopted). They assumed I was the one pregnant and blew up on me, so I just let it go and rolled with the lie because I wasn't going to out my husband.
The first couple of months I'd let them visit, eventually I'd start eating big meals and purposely bloating myself to the point of discomfort so I looked pregnant. They'd remark around the 6 month mark that I was remarkably small but I just played it off. Eventually I couldn't lie any longer, so I looked for every excuse in the book to not see my family. I turned down the offers of baby showers, gender reveal parties, anything that would require us seeing each other. Luckily my family live an hour away and we all live busy lifestyles, so them randomly visiting wasn't an issue. The one time they did pop in unexpectedly, we were out of the house. If they Facetimed, I made a point to be in bed feeling horribly sick so I couldn't give a "bump update". I lied my ass off and they just thought I had a rough pregnancy.
My husband gave birth a year ago and went straight back on the testosterone, and now we're happy as ever. My family have met our daughter and they adore her.
A week ago, after an argument between myself and a friend, said friend decided to out my husband by messaging my family and included proof. They did it by adding everybody to a group chat, posting screenshots and basically the whole story, then saying "I'll leave you all to discuss", then they left the chat and blocked me and my husband.
In a transphobic rage, my mother raced to my home and all but beat my front door down. It wasn't pretty. I had to call the cops. I've been disowned, but that hasn't stopped the daily calls and texts coming from my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings etc., leaving nasty transphobic slurs on my voicemail and other hateful crap.
I ended up crying to my friend yesterday who told me that I should have been honest with my family, as it would've saved me a lot of heart ache. That, or said we miscarried and then adopted later. I'm not happy that things played out the way they did. I just feel so sad now. Maybe it was wrong to lie to my family, but I feel like I had no choice.
Edit, because I figured I'd put this in the main text:
My husband has always encouraged me to maintain a relationship with my family however it was mostly for his sake. Personally, I mentally checked out years ago. But when they met him, they welcomed him with open arms and treated him like a son. Yes, it was conditional on him being presumed cisgender, however we never intended for them to find out. He felt a familial love that he's never had from his own family before, which is why I kept my relationship with my parents at his request. If it weren't for him, I most likely would have cut them off a long time ago. I'm sad that this has happened, but most of that sadness is for my husband rather than for me.
Also the friend in this story who outed him is obviously no longer a friend, and never will be again. The other friend who said I should've told the truth is on thin ice.
Another edit: Y'all are making us ugly cry. Thank you so much for the support.
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