I'm friends with my ex, "Jay". We were engaged but broke up because we went long distance. Shortly after the breakup I dated "Will", and we didn't click, but he set me up with his friend, "Mike" as he felt we'd get on. Mike and I have now been together for just over 2 years.
Jay has recently moved back to the area and we're trying to be just friends. Jay and Mike got on with each other and Mike has introduced Jay to his group of guy friends.
Aside from Will, I don't like Mike's friends. They're a group of about half a dozen guys who all went to uni together, and I've heard them use some... questionable language towards women, and I've said to Mike if I ever catch him talking about me like that then there will be consequences (although I've mostly said this jokingly because I didn't think he'd ever talk about me like that).
Mike and his mates went out again yesterday because it was someone's birthday. Jay went with them, and now tonight I've gotten 2 messages, and a screenshot from Jay.
The first message says he wasn't sure if he should send these to me but he felt I deserved to know. Then the screenshot is of his banking app where Jay has deposited £1,500, and Will has deposited £50, with the reference just being my name both times. The second text explains that Jay and his friends have an "inside joke" with each other, which is that if one of them has dated a girl before the other one has, then they pay the first guy "rent" on the girl. So when Mike and I began dating, he gave Will £50, because Will and I just went on a date (no kissing/sex). Now Jay is in the friend group, so Mike sent Jay £1,500 and Will sent £50, which they feel is the appropriate amount of "rent" they each owe on me.
Jay says that he didn't negotiate those amounts, these match the amounts that other members of the friend group have previously agreed to and paid before now, and he refused it but they transferred it to him anyway. His transaction history shows that he sent it back within minutes and then they sent it back to Jay immediately after. Jay has now sent it to me to do whatever I think is best with it.
I asked Mike directly. He said "fucks sake Jay". I pushed him on it and he said it was an inside joke they have where they pay rent on a girl's "pussy". Not the woman in general, but her pussy specifically (I hate the word but it's the one he used so I'm using it). He saw the look on my face, went into the office and locked the door. A couple minutes later Jay began sending me screenshots of Mike messaging him at that exact moment saying stuff like "you told her? are you trying to fuck me over?". I told Mike through the door that Jay was sending me screenshots of this and I think he threw his phone and it broke, because there was a collision sound, he swore, and now his phone is going straight to voicemail.
It's been about 4 hours and he's still in the office. He says he's sleeping on the sofabed, which is in the office with him. I am in our bed right now. I have no one to talk to and he's not speaking to me.
On the one hand, this shows a total lack of respect. He tried to pay rent on my pussy. I feel humiliated. And what the everloving fuck is he thinking paying rent on me?
On the other hand, we've been together 2 and a bit years, we live together, and before this I thought we had a good relationship, and this by comparison is just one joke among friends, so maybe I'm making too much out of it.
I just don't know what to do. I have no one I can talk to, it's nearly midnight where I am, and I just want to scream. I need advice because I have to deal with this, and the sooner the better.
Is this something we can get past or is it unforgivable? Is this a him thing or a me thing? What do I even begin to say to him in this situation?
TL;DR: Boyfriend tried to give my ex "rent" money on my pussy because my ex had me first. What do I do with this information and what now for this whole relationship?
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