This TIFU actually happened today! Or at least in the last 24 hours, either way I’m counting it.
I’ll be the first to admit that my feet are sometimes a little bit smelly. Some of my friends and family have lovingly said they are “odorly challanged”. I wash them in the shower every day, I’ve tried the fancy creams, but none of it seems to really help and I’ve at this point accepted that I’m just naturally a stinkfoot and will live my life with a constant faint corn chip aroma wafting from my toes.
I live alone, and when in my apartment prefer not to wear socks or shoes. This is occasionally a point of contention with my girlfriend, who visits often and insists I at least wear socks when she comes over. Its mostly fun banter where she teases me for my feet smelling and I tease her for a loud burp or something like that, but sometimes after a particularly long day the foot factory releases emissions that would surely get me fined by EPA, which she rightfully hates.
Yesterday she came over for dinner. It was a nice day so we decided to get delivery from one of our favorite restaurants and eat on the balcony. Well, I’m at home and I’ve already liberated my tootsies from their foot prisons, and I figured it’d be nice to set the table with some flowers for my lady. I was outside setting up when she arrived, and she came outside to greet me. IMMEDIATELY she smelled my feet and recoiled in disgust. The most dramatic reaction ever. Fake vomiting, fake crying, she was hamming it up as part of our banter. I HAVE gone a bit nose blind to them over the years, so I lean against the railing to balance and go to smell them myself to see how bad they were. This was my mistake. I’m a burly guy, and this poor railing could not handle my equally overdramatic reaction of throwing my head back and screaming. It gave way.
Luckily I’m only on the second floor, so I only fell maybe 25 feet, but it felt like it lasted a solid minute. It was at least long enough of a fall for me to reflect on the situation and feel like an idiot for dying from smelling my own feet. The aftermath is a fractured rib and dislocated shoulder, and my girlfriend never letting me live this down.
TL;DR: smelled my feet, railing went yeet, almost died and I feel like sheet.
Edit: Okay guys, I appreciate the foot health advice but please stop PMing me weird remedies. I’m not going to pee on them or soak them in a tomato-bleach medley. I will go back to to the doctor though once I’m all healed up!
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