I broke up with her.
Thank you all honestly for all the advice and reassurance. I honestly already knew that I wanted to finish it ever before my last post, but i just needed others to write it out to verify it in my own mind.
A few people said "why is this even a question?" Well in all honesty - it was mainly because I'm not the most self confident of guys. You see even though I'm told I'm a great guy and a good catch (I've only ever been in 3 serious relationships and sexually active with 7 women including her and she couldn't believe it when I told her I'd been single for a while before I met her) I don't have a lot of confidence with women. So I was genuinely weighing up if I should stay with her as I might not meet anyone else for a while and might not be able to do better as sad as that sounds. Plus, I was worried if I do meet someone else - how do I explain how my last relationship ended? "Oh yeah me and my ex didn't work out because her 13 year old daughter accused me of fingering her and I didn't ever want to see her again. But she later admitted it was false and her dad out her up to it and the police cleared me. I'm totally innocent, honest!" So I suppose looking at myself, I've got a lot to work on before I consider dating again.
So to elaborate on the break up but keep it salient, I told her to come over last night. Said to her I agree what she did was right by her daughter and I would do the same if I had a child that told me that but I think she's out of order for not apologising what I've been through or showing me any empathy. I said I can't trust her daughter anymore, and don't want to be around her or have her in my life so that's it, I'm finishing with her. I also said there's too much drama - I don't want her ex interfering in my life. I didn't sign up for that.
She started really crying, saying she's so sorry etc but I told her it's too late, she should have done that as soon as she knew I was innocent. I told her to go back to her mum's and think about how she wants to get her and her daughter's stuff back, and call me in a few days when she's decided. More tears, but she then after a while if it would make any difference if her daughter apologised? I said no, I never want to talk to her again - I'm especially done with her. And I explained why.
Not only am I so angry with her, I can't trust her. And what she did, makes me angry for another reason too. Basically I was sexually assaulted as a child by an older male family member when I was 7. It fucked me up for a long time. So to have someone lie about something so disgusting, it fills me up with a lot of rage. She (my ex) had no idea - I never told her in our relationship at all. If she knew, she would definitely have apologised. I got so annoyed about that - like why does knowing what I went through make me more worthy of empathy? Does not ruining your boyfriend's life make me less of an apology? I went off on a rant about that, I was so pissed off.
So after I had my rant about it, I told her to leave and we'll talk in a few days about when to start collecting her stuff.
I feel mixed - justified in ending it, but sad it's over. Like we were amazing up until this. Really started to bond as a team. Lots of good moments. My dog's missing them too, he sat by the door crying after she left.
Tldr: told her to come over, said we're done, explained why and we'll talk soon to arrange her getting their stuff.
First of all, fuck all the men that are going to try to argue otherwise in the comments. You can all rot in your basements.
It is instilled in our culture that a womans body is meant to be shared.
The first time a man groped my crotch was when I was 6 years old, then it happened again when I was 13. The fact that just about anyone has a right to my body was shown to me from my early childhood.
Nowadays it doesn't even matter what I do or what I wear. Creepy male strangers just touching me on the street, literal friends or acquaintances groping my breasts multiple times and then pretending it was an accident each time. My own mom won't stop slapping my ass even though I told her that I find it deeply uncomfortable. Not even my own mother will respect my body. A guy was forcing himself on me while we were surrounded by people at a party and when I pushed him off, he had the audacity to ask if I rejected him because I found him ugly. He did not even think of the possibility that he just sexually assaulted and traumatized a girl. There are many more experiences like this that I had to go through.
This is not an issue that "just some creepy men" have. This is a deeply rooted cultural issue. I used to think that it is just the worst of the worst men that do this. But no. Over time the truth revealed itself to me. It is also my family, my friends, my mentors that did this to me. It is men that surround me; men that I trusted. As women, we expect this to happen and we know for certain that it will always happen again.
Yet when I talk to my male friends about these issues, the vast majority doesn't even know how much of a big deal this is. They are clueless. It goes to show that a lot of men just think this behaviour is okay because they get away with it.
I won't be nice or apologize and there will be retaliation for anyone that thinks they're entitled to me.
EDIT: Yes #NotAllMen and I know that there are a bunch of normal men out there. I know that some men are clueless because they literally never thought of doing this to a woman. What I'm saying is that we all need to speak up and not sweep this under the rug.
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