Me and my fiancee live together and have been a couple for the past 3 years. We got engaged over the summer with the aim of getting married late next year. The first thing my exes knew about me is I'm a private person who sets clear boundaries when he gets into a relationship. I don't tolerate cheating of any sort and will cut someone off immediately for it. This situation seems a bit more complex than that so I thought I'd seek some advice.
My fiancee is part of a wedding party for her best friend and they did some sort of pre-wedding photoshoot last weekend. I'll try my best to explain the photo in question. On one side, the bridesmaids (5) are lined up with their back to the camera and on the other side, the groom is standing facing them on an angle. The bridesmaids have their tops pulled up in a flashing pose and he has a 'shocked' look on his face.
Despite this photo being taken last weekend, I wasn't aware of it until it was posted on Facebook a few days ago. I don't use FB much and it took a friend actually tagging me in the comments to see it. When I spoke to my fiancee later that day I asked how the photo was taken. She played it off as nothing. I genuinely thought there was photoshop used or the girls were using some nude colored tube top or something.
Turns out no, they actually all flashed their breasts at the groom. When I get angry, I tend to go quiet and it actually took me about 15 mins to process what had happened, during which time she went from 'haha, it's funny right' to 'it's not that big of a deal' to 'are you serious? You're mad?'
When she realized that wasn't working, she switched to 'I didn't want to do it really, but the other girls were all doing it and it would've been weird.' Then she added that she'd 'had a few drinks' and the bride asked her to do it with the others as a favor. Here's the deal, the other girls aren't in serious relationships except for one and I don't know her or her partner, so I have no idea their boundaries.
I only know mine, and I feel like mine was crossed. Listen, I can be hard headed about things and stubborn, but I'm not wrong here right? Like this is fucked up? I can't imagine any of my female friends doing this or my sisters. To make it worse she didn't even tell me! If she'd came home that night and at least gave me a heads up I could have prepared myself somewhat. But to be blindsided on FB and it taking one of my friends tagging me is ridiculous. Of course, according to her she didn't because she didn't think it was that big of a deal.
She was planning on spending this weekend with her parents, so she's there right now which will give us some space. I'm really not happy about this, and her response hasn't made it better. She's told her friends about my reaction, so today I received a bunch of texts ranging from them calling me stupid to trying to 'talk sense into me.'
BUT, remember the one other serious couple? I received a FB msg from the guy who told me he broke up with his GF over it. He was also tagged in the comments which apparently meant his whole family on FB saw it too and they were furious. My fiancee found out about this and I can tell she's in hysterics because she thinks I'm going to do the same. She's been trying to call me all night and has said she's coming home early tomorrow morning to 'talk.'
If you had have told me something like this was going to happen I'd never have believed you. She's the last person I would expect this from. Our 3 years together have been really great and I'm honestly feeling a bit shell-shocked here. Part of me wants to move past this, but the other part is disgusted by it and I feel disrespected. I would never have disrespected her like this.
Also, and I'm rambling at this point because it's late, but it's not even a clever photo. Like to me it's fucking dumb and trashy. The fact that she agreed to take part in it seriously makes me question her character. Like what else could she be coerced into? Whatever.
Is this a stupid mistake we can get past or a massive red flag I should be heeding before marriage?
TLDR: fiancee took part in a pre-wed photoshoot for another couple and with friends flashed her breasts at the groom
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