I'm so tired of damn near every highly upvoted post in this subreddit that criticizes men's behavior toward women having an edit that says something like "of course I didn't mean all men" or "of course this isn't just a problem with men" because men get offended and start spouting gender-whataboutism like "what about when women do it?" in the comments, and then demand OP edit their post. I see it nearly every day and it's been happening for months now.
Whatever the action may be, even if women can do it too, firstly, we're specifically talking about men, not women and secondly, women are not as likely to hold positions of power and use that power to exert control over other women (or men). does it happen? yes. does it happen on a systematically grand scale the way it does with men?
yeah, sure, "women do it too" is true. everyone is capable of being a creep, or an abuser, or whatever. here's the thing though: this is a women's subreddit for women's issues, and a lot of times women's issues are directly related to the men in their lives refusing to learn/accept their boundaries and using their privilege to continue getting away with it. when we're describing our lived experiences at the hands of men, and men interject with things like "women can do this too, you know" or "not all men," it's a lot like saying "all lives matter" in response to BLM: it's not technically wrong, it's just a disingenuous ploy to subvert the focus away from the actual problem (in most cases, men mistreating women) to this nebulous idea of "all" that they would rather focus on because they can't accept that their brothers might have serious problems with mistreating women.
there's a reason so many posts on this sub are directed at men. there's a reason a subreddit like this exists in the first place. we come here to talk about the issues in our lives and a lot of times our issues directly relate to men who use power and authority over us to control us. to gain access to our bodies. to dismiss us in front of our peers. there are countless ways in which men can and do directly affect women's lives negatively and when they come here to vent about it, your whataboutist bullshit is really not helpful and is in fact just another tactic men use to control the conversation and steer the topic in a direction they'd rather it go: away from the problem, which is very often men mistreating women.
I won't be editing this post to appease any hurt feelings. if you're a man and you're offended, then what you can do is make a conscious effort to speak out against the men in your life who mistreat women so women won't have to complain about men so much in the future. that's literally the solution. women are not going to stop being generally weary of men until men step up and generally take responsibility for their own shit.
if you're just going to sit idly by and continue to let your buddies mistreat and disrespect women and yet still want to get pissy when men as a whole are criticized and largely seen as a threat to women... you're part of the goddamn problem and I don't feel bad for you at all.
we all need to be vigilant in calling out this behavior when we see it. women especially, when you make a post calling out the behaviors of men and some jabroni comes in to say "not all men" and asks you to edit your post, don't. you don't owe anyone an explanation of anything and there's a reason these men want to control that particular narrative: they do not want to talk about it at all. don't give them the pleasure.
TL;DR: MEN need stop controlling the narrative about how men systemically mistreat women on this subreddit. either listen, learn, and adapt or GTFO with that shit.
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