(reposted with mod approval)
TL;DR: Things turned out well for everyone involved.
Peggy reached out to me yesterday, apologized, and asked if we could meet for lunch.
We met up, and the first thing she did was apologize again. For the no call/no show, and also for her reaction to my response. She admitted that she knows I'm not sexist, or "ableist" (IDK if I spelled that right, there's a red line under it), and explained that she was lashing out due to her mental state.
I accepted her apology, and offered one of my own. Both for giving her too much responsibility too quickly, and also for reacting out of emotion.
She explained to me that she had a major issue on Monday, and without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that it was the anniversary of a bad thing.
She's taking all of her accumulated PTO (~9 weeks), and we've agreed that going forward, I'm not going to put her on the schedule on that day ever again.
She's admitted that she's not up to the role of manager. When she returns, she will be in the role of lead cashier, a role I created specifically for her. This way she can keep her raise, and not feel like she got a "demotion", but rather a lateral transfer. I've also let her know that if she ever feels like she's up to more responsibility, she can let me know, and I'll put her right back on track for the manager spot.
I've also let her know that if she's ever in a position where she's not able to call out, she can simply text me a thumbs down emoji, and I will accept that as notice that she will be missing her next shift. She's agreed that that will be ok, even when she's "out of spoons".
I appreciate all of the ~6000 comments my post got, even the ones calling me TA. Thank you all very much. I want to specifically address the folks who explained "spoon theory" to me, as well as those who commented about "peter principle", those two types of comments very heavily influenced my actions. I was able to better understand both her issue, and my own failures as a leader because of those comments.
Hopefully we can both move forward from this unfortunate incident and end up better for it.
My (36) sister N (29) got pregnant at 18. I am infertile and knew I couldn't have kids so when N said she was giving her baby for adoption, I decided to be her mom. N went no contact 5 months after giving birth. For a bit of background, N got pregnant by a one night stand and she apparently didn't remember or know the father at the time of birth but when V was 2, a man T (35) messaged me on social media claiming to be the father of my child. N had run into him at a club and drunkenly confessed to the pregnancy. We met up, he bonded with his daughter and well that man is now my husband of 7 years. Coming back to my sister, she called me yesterday. Although I was surprised at her call, I picked up. We made some small talk, then she said she had just gotten married a year back and both of them wanted children but couldn't because her husband was infertile but really wanted kids. I asked her if she wanted to adopt and she said she would just need to get her baby back. I was speechless for a few moments before replying that if she wants to meet my child as an aunt she is welcome to and we both can sit V down and explain the reason for her absence but she can't just ask me to give up my child. She said she'll sue me as she's the birth mother. I told her she was out of her mind and I told her about T. She exploded. Calling me names and saying I stole her life. I got too emotional and hung up. T came home from work and on explaining to him, he was beyond furious. I then got a call from my parents saying I was an asshole for telling N she couldn't she her baby. I said I never said that and I welcomed her to bond with V but they refused to listen and said I was being insensitive and harsh and flaunting my family.
I now feel bad because me and N were very close as sisters and I feel quite close to her situation since I know the struggles of infertility. T said there was no way he was letting my sister have full time and I agree but I want to know if am the asshole for being too harsh and telling her about T.
Edit - I did legally adopt V at birth. T adopted her too after we got married. N never wanted kids and I feel the only reason she wants V now is because her husband wants kids. I don't know but I think this is it and T agrees.
Edit 2 - For all the people wandering why I said we were close, I meant growing up.
So I though that tonight I would treat myself to some Chinese and go to this nice restaurant right next to where I live. At this Chinese restaurant they make you write your order on a piece of paper, hit a button on your desk and then someone comes and collects it and starts to prep your meal. When you are ordering you have to right the number of the dish you want, this makes it simple for them to understand what you want and apparently i can't even do that right. So I pick the goat (for context the number for goat was 15 and the number for pork was 16) I had never seen goat before and was feeling very adventurous tonight, I have also never seen cooked pork either so I was setting myself up for disaster. My 15 must have blended itself into a 16.
As the waiter brings me my food I was on a call and really had to pay attention to what my friend was telling me so I didn't focus on what the waiter said my dish was and just thanked him. As I am eating I am getting this euphoric sort of feeling, I had never expected goat (now knowing pork) to be so amazing, i loved every single mouthful and was contemplating coming back tomorrow to try it again. As I went up to pay I thanked the waiter for such an unforgettable meal (now in more ways then one) and that the goat was amazing. He pauses processing my payment and squints at me, he goes on and says that I had order pork. I look and say that he was wrong and the goat was delicious. I think back and realise how stupid I was and that there was no way that could have been goat. I kind of froze for a while and questioned my life and my faith while other people waited to pay. The worst part is I want to try that again so bad.
TLDR: went to restaurant were you order by writing number down. Tried to order goat (15) but instead order pork (16). Really enjoyed every mouthful and after thanking the waiter for such good goat he told me that I had just in fact had pork
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