Edit: *Fewer less people would buy a ticket. Forgot to proofread lmao
Kilo 141: You just like to vibe and aren't very toxic
FAL: You think you're better than you actually are
M4A1: You're unoriginal
FR 5.56: You dont abuse the meta often
Oden: You wish this gun aimed faster
M13: You like the hitmarker sound effect
FN Scar 17: You're cultured
AK-47: You just wanna have fun on this hellscape
RAM-7: You like to roll the dice and let random chance decide
Grau 5.56: You care too much about your K/D
CR-56 AMAX: You mostly play search and destroy
AN-94: You love using this gun, but hate everyone who uses it
AUG: you forgot 9mm rounds existed after getting 5.56
P90: you dont like reloading
MP5: You like abusing the meta
Uzi: You still haven't found that perfect attachment setup
PP19 Bizon: You REALLY dont like reloading
MP7: You secretly like the MP5 more, but use this to not get shit for using the MP5
Striker 45: You hated this gun when it first came out
Fennec: You dont like having ammo
ISO: You're a masochist
Model 680: You think you're better than every other shotgun user
R9-O: you dont like aiming
725: you dont know what stocks are
Origin 12: You only play shipment
VLK Rouge: You're a non-conformist
PKM: you like assault rifles with big magazines
SA87: You dont care about your K/D
M91: You have at least 5 variants for it
MG34: You're also a masochist
Holger-26: you dont like LMG's
Bruen Mk9: You like camping
FiNN LMG: you have no skill
EBR-14: You have good taste
MK2 Carbine: you think you're better at quick scoping than you are
Kar98k: you do about 12 lines of coke before every cod session and and quickskope till you get hospitalized
Crossbow: you dont exist
SKS: you're glad people dont use the SKS
Dragunov: you think the other snipers are overrated
HDR: you like casually sniping
AX-50 you have a blatant disregard for the intended use if a sniper rifle or you always have is as a secondary in warzone
Rytec AMR: You were disappointed by the explosive rounds
Riot Shield: You have no friends
X16: You like handguns more than anything in this game
1911: you think it's better than it is
.357: You like feeling like the Arizona Ranger
M19: you have a good trigger finger
Desert Eagle: you live for the one tap headshots
Renetti: you're still upset it got nerfed
Pila: you actually like assisting your team, but dont get enough credit.
Strela-P: you... ok, I have nothing.
JOKR: you dont exist
RPG-7: your favorite operator is minotaur
Combat Knife: your favorite operator is the sexy edgy boi Kreuger
Kali Sticks: you like pretending you're a jedi
Duel Kodachis: you were hoping it was a katana, but you're still happy with what we got you fellow weeb.
All my life I've managed to get into trouble for things I didn't do. What follows is my peak achievement.
I was on a flight from CA to TX. We had just taken off and I was settling in, watching The Office on my laptop. The guy next to me was watching what appeared to be a very normal Bollywood movie. I was wearing large corded headphones and he was wearing small Bluetooth earbuds. He had kinda long hair so you could barely see the earbuds.
The flight attendant came around to take our drink orders so I paused my show and ordered a drink. He paused his movie, turned off his earbuds, and ordered a drink. I then resumed my show and he resumed his movie. Perfectly normal, right? Except that he forgot to turn his earbuds back on.
When he resumed his movie, I and everyone else on the plane could hear it over his laptop speakers. And of course, as the good lord would have it, the moment he resumed the movie, it switched to a sex scene. Nothing graphic, not even any nudity. Just one woman and about five men moaning and groaning LOUDLY.
Remember when I said he had small, hair-covered, wireless earbuds and I had large headphones on? Well of course everyone saw my headphones and the look on my face and assumed my nasty ass was watching porn on full volume with my headphones unplugged. Meanwhile, he DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE that he wasn't listening to the Dolby Surround Sound gangbang through his earbuds.
The flight attendant rushed back, looked right at me and said, "SIR WILL YOU PLEASE PLUG IN YOUR HEADPHONES?" I meekly pointed to the guy next to me. So the flight attendant, now embarrassed, saw his screen and quietly asked him to reconnect his earbuds, to which he quietly agreed. But the damage was done. For the next three hours, every innocent suburban mom, dad, and child on the plane glared at me like I was some sort of public fapping sicko.
This is the story of my life.
tl;dr: Guy next to me on a plane forgot to reconnect his earbuds and subjected us all to the sweet sounds of passionate group love. I got the blame for it because I still use large, conspicuous headphones and have the poker face of a teenager buying booze.
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